To Love's Eternal Glory

To Love's Eternal Glory

Friday, March 9, 2018

6 months

Avonlea is 6 months old. In the blink of an eye my time with her has gone from 5 years to 4 and a half.

Where did the time go? 

It went to trips home to see my family. To Christmas time and Thanksgiving and Halloween. Walks at Dry Creek and Cottonwood and around the construction zone neighborhood we live in for now. Mornings at Gettysburg and Paso Tiempo with friends, strangers, and acquaintances. 

It went to trying to make new friends in a new place with nothing to go on but church connections and innate friendliness. Walks with new people in new places like Thorburn park and around Clovis East, the newly finished park down the nearly finished street across the almost solid sidewalk.

Time also slipped away with Monk, Psych, Madam Secretary, The Office, The Middle, Modern Family some Finding Your Roots and kids movies we've been buying to build up our collection: Despicable Me, How to Train Your Dragon, Madagascar 1 & 2.

Some day were filled to bursting with places to go, things to accomplish, people to see, food to eat. Clippers game, zoo days, driving back and forth to the library and the doctor. While others seemed to barely there, held together by the faint wisps of sleepless nights repeatedly feeding the baby and the thin threads made of silver tears brought on by happiness, sadness, exhaustion, confusion, laughter, embarrassment, hope, fear, overwhelming feelings of gratitude, annoyance, relief, nothing in particular. Those days came and went without leaving much of an impression but quietly moved the journey along. 

Somewhere in their too, I joined a bookclub and read Magpie Murders, then propelled by the renewed love of reading I read The Man in the Brown Suit, joined another book club and reserved 3 new books at the library. I made very few dinners but a fair amount of cookies and in the span of a week or two in the fall I made muddy buddies at least 4 times.

I took a long sabbatical from dairy when Avonlea couldn't tolerate it. We ate out a lot more and I had much less dessert. Fortunately it spurred my love of Indian and Asian cuisines and I have great plans to learn to cook them someday.  

Much of the time after Avonlea was first born went to making lists and learning how to take care of myself. I called my sisters and mom several times for expert input on how to make the transition from Mariah to Mama. Making a huge list of things to do that make me happy with certain time-frames around them helped me tremendously. Then making daily lists kept me on track. Trying new things, returning to old hobbies. 

Time also allocated itself to memories. Missing Utah and all that it meant to us-the place that we met and dated, where we started our life together, were students and hourly-wage workers, where we got pregnant, graduated, made life-long friends, got closer to family. Looking at old pictures of when we were skinnier, newly married, going on big adventures to national parks and small adventures to new restaurants.

Time also allocated itself to longings. Longings to live on our own and own a home, longings to go back to a place where everyone was in our same stage of life, longings to be established somewhere to have roots to have ties that bind to have long-term stability.

It also went to decision making. We've decided that Ross is done being a teacher. So we need to find a new career path. We also sold our turquoise civic, the car that took us on our honeymoon, drove to muir woods in the rain and the grand canyon in the hail, home in the Christmas snow and back to California in the summer heat. The car that Avonlea came home in. We bought a new car more suited to out future. We got our child vaccinated. We got a library card. We moved the baby into her own room.

So while days have felt like years, I look back and feel like the months have been only moments.